In the past, many of the times that I felt disconfirmed have occurred when I was talking to or discussing something with my mother. Although I do have a good relationship with her and enjoy our occasional conversations, there have been times when I felt that she wasn’t really listening to me or didn’t think what I was saying was actually important. The defensiveness producing communication behaviors that I noticed from her were neutrality and superiority. There would be some conversations where she wouldn’t really pay much attention to what I was saying and only stay in the conversation by giving me vague or general responses. There have also been other times when she would listen to me but she would respond in a fashion that made me feel as if my point wasn’t quite as strong as it should be. Of course, I don’t think she intended to come off this way but it has happened on more than one occasion.
Blog Cobb,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you sharing your difficult experiences with your mother. I have always had a bad relationship with my mother. She does a lot more to hinder my joy than what you say your mother does to you, but I still understand your feelings and I don‘t think that my situation is any more important or serious just because my mother‘s level of disconfirming can be interpreted as abusive. The main thing is ensuring that we are getting what we need out of our relationships. Maybe you should try having a private conversation with your mother about how she responds/communicates with you. I hope that she just hasn’t noticed how she is coming across and is willing to try to consider your feelings more in the future. As for me, I think that the only thing I can do for my relationship with my mother is give it as much time and space that it needs to heal before even trying to discuss how she makes me feel with her responses/communication. Take care and look to yourself for validation. Good luck!
I'm sorry to hear about your situation about how you see your conversations between you and your mother is seen this way. My relationship isn't as bad as how it is compared to yours but there are also times when we also seem to ignore each other but by accident, not on purpose. I'm sure it's the same way for you or your mother may be busy to consider what you were talking about while she was on her business. Either way, it is because of this that distrust or disconfirm that your bonds are slowly breaking. I wish you well that you bring your chains of trust back together between you two.
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